No Monument

 

This morning, I made a decision to let Maia go.

                     

This picture is from this post, back in 2004, when Maia was three years old.

Right now, it doesn’t seem possible that this happened. My hands still smell like her, and I don’t want to wash them. There’s a hole in me that doesn’t make sense.

The last thing that she felt in this world was the first thing I ever did, that day eleven years ago at the shelter, when we got her – me rubbing her belly.

I did not deserve that dog. I was well aware of that the whole time that she spent with me. And she deserved a lot better than me.

I’m done typing now.

15 comments
  1. Jim,

    I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a cherished pet does, indeed, leave a big hole in one’s heart. You should be consoled knowing that you did the best thing for Maia.

  2. Viki Allen said:

    I’m so sorry, Jim. I know painful it must be. :’-(

  3. Gary said:

    The world would be a better place if all of us strived to be wothy of our dogs’ devotion. I’m sorry for your loss.

  4. Donna M Rode said:

    Oh Jim, I am so sorry to hear about Maia. The loss of our pets’ unconditional love is painful, and the depth of the ache left behind cannot be underestimated. I can’t even think about the time when we will have to say goodbye to any of our cats.

  5. beek said:

    Jim – My screen background is of a nondescript dog with the following words: “Be the person your dog thinks you are”. I’m sure you were that to Maia and more. I’m sorry for your loss.

  6. Dave C said:

    Jim, that you could write “I did not deserve that dog” show that you really did. Very sorry for your loss.

  7. Becky Childers said:

    Thank you for sharing your great love for Maia with us. She was so blessed to know that love.

  8. Thanks, everybody. It does help to know that other folks get punched in the heart the same way that I have been.

    Ancyent – no, the fact that I can say “I did not deserve that dog” means that I reall, really did not.

    However, to stress the point further might seem to do so at the detriment of other dogs, which is certainly not my intention.

    The one thing that will definitely come out of this is that Ethel and I are splitting up. I’m dumping her NOW – because I don’t ever want her to have to feel any part of what I’m feeling today, just because I couldn’t stay alive forever.

  9. Kathleen Hickey said:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss. Beloved animals, like beloved people, live on in memory and shared stories. You have a whole community who will remember her.

  10. kathy graham said:

    So sorry for your loss. Will be praying for both of you.

  11. hinkmond said:

    Sorry to hear of your loss, Jim. 😦 Our pets love us unconditionally and just want one thing in return from us: to love them back–which it sounds like you kept up your end of the bargain.

    • Stated that simply, it may be true – and thus is a comfort. Thanks, Hinkmond.

      (although the back of my mind is yelling “not enough! didn’t love her enough!”)

  12. Peg said:

    So sorry to hear about Maia. I think Hinkmond is right. Condolences…

  13. I’m better now, really. Now it’s just strange when I see something of hers or think about it. Or walk around a corner and she’s not where she should be.

  14. aileen58 said:

    We’ve been away and I’ve just read this. So sorry to hear about Maia. We have three dogs, two cats and chooks and we love them all dearly. Over the years we have had to put down a few of our pets and it never gets any easier. Maia will live on in your memory and your heart.

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