Arnold Eggs

I’m just a po’ boy from Flat Red Clay, Alabama.

And I ain’t never had me none of them Eggs Benedict.


Ethel had bought a package at the Omni Tucson National for our vacation that included breakfast. So, on our last day there, we both noticed that they had Eggs Benedict on the menu.

Eggs Benedict is one of those things that I would only hear about when watching movies about fancy people doing fancy things. The name Benedict had only two connotations to a boy in Alabama – Eggs Benedict and Benedict Arnold. Both terms referred to things that had nothing to do with Alabama. And, as far as a guy like me was concerned, they might as well have been the same thing.

I don’t know what I would have thought that Eggs Benedict was. It turns out that it’s basically runny eggs with hollandaise sauce (and now my morning thinking is shot – I can’t say “Hollandaise Sauce” without thinking “Holiday Style”, as in “…sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style” – and we’re still three months out from Christmas). The runny eggs are called “poached eggs”, but I always thought that “poaching” meant that one was hunting where one was not supposed to hunt – and who would hunt eggs?

Especially cage-free eggs. Yep, these are cage-free runny eggs  with holiday style.

We spent a little time on “cage-free eggs” – who, exactly, would put an egg in a cage? Are you making sure that when the chickens hatch, they won’t run away? Or are you protecting it from somebody else, somebody who would steal the egg if it weren’t caged?

AHA! The light dawns! These eggs were poached because they weren’t in a cage! If these eggs HAD been caged, instead of cage-free, then the poachers wouldn’t have poached them.

Of course, since the menu that says “cage-free” is the menu written by the folks who are selling us the poached eggs, then it sounds like they are bragging about having stolen the eggs. And, if they are admitting to stealing them, then why are the darn things so expensive?

I still don’t understand why stolen eggs can’t be cooked all the way, but since I’ll never have Benedict Eggs again, I’m simply not going to expend any more mental energy on this. I’m all worn out now.

Is it bedtime yet?


  1. And when is Ethel coming home???? I think you shouldn’t be alone.

  2. Donna M Rode said:

    Eggs Benedict? Yuck. Well, double-yuck now with your description 🙂 Oh, and I think “cage-free” is just another way of saying “we’re going to charge you more”.

  3. Allison Horn said:

    Just wanted to extend my sympathy on the loss of Maia. I know the ache in the heart, but of course I didn’t know Maia, so I don’t know your pain. Believe me, I know you have pain. Would that the animals could say “It’s ok, Jim, it’s ok. I will always be with you.” I think that is what she would say. All good thoughts to you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: