Hairy Pine Trees

Yesterday, in town, Ethel and I saw a hairy pine tree:

Ethel said that it looked like this tree needed to shave its legs. That’s not what occurred to me, but I had to admit that it was a good description.

Why we have pine trees in the Sonoran Desert is beyond me. I just don’t believe that they are native….a quick bit of googling shows no mention of the tree, although one woodworking company says that “Sonoran pine is good for blah blah blah…” – I ain’t buying it.

But many folks have pines in their yards, and there are neighborhoods of Phoenix that have huge old growth pines in just about every yard. Those areas are nice and shady, which explains why they put the pine trees in, so maybe saying that the presence of these pines was “beyond me” was not accurate. But they have to use a lot of water.

I said “have to” when maybe I should have said “must” – or maybe I should have rewritten the sentence as saying “I suspect that they use a lot of water”. As I may have mentioned in these pages before, I think that “have to” is a very interesting phrase.

If I use “have” as the verb meaning “to possess”, then it is pronounced “hav” – but if I use it as a helping verb implying obligation, as in “I have to work”, then it is pronounced “haf”. Or is that just an ignorant uneducated redneck Southern aberration? I mean, we use “gone” for “going to”, as in “I’m gone write this here post up and publish it” – and sometimes we change that to “moan” when used with “I”, as in “I moan publish this post now”.

I’ve always assumed we Southerners were reviled for our assumed inadequacies, but I can see now that that’s not the case – because most of the country is united in hatred against the SEC, purely because of our dominance. “Can’t win for losing”, indeed -it’s our very winning that makes us so deplorable (I used normal Yankee spelling in that phrase, as it occurred to me that this far into this post, many of them might have already packed their carpet bags and headed south to cut our cornbread into squares and burn Atlanta)

(N.B. – if you think “SEC” means “Securities Exchange Commision”, then, well, nevermind. You’re reading the wrong blog 🙂

Anyway, that pine tree bothers me. The thing that makes a tree a tree, rather than a bush, is that eventually the trunk develops a thick enough bark that new sprouts don’t develop there, which pushes all new growth out to the edge branches. This thing is a mutant, or an alien trying to pretend to be a pine tree, and not doing very well at it.

But I’m not going to shave it. I can’t imagine what the PPD would say if they drove by and saw me shaving a pine tree, but I’m pretty sure that it’s illegal.





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