Cabbage Is The New Bread

Remember when we had the Thailand Tsunami, and for weeks they were posting pictures of amazing never-before seen undersea creatures that had been washed up out of the dark depths of the Pacific onto the Phuket shoreline?

Behold my lunch:


Okay, no, that ISN’T a new species of crustacean – that’s Tuna Salad w/shredded cheddar as a cabbage wrap.

Ethel has gone Atkins, which means that I have, too. When Ethel quit smoking, I did too. I have been married way too many times to try to buck trends; if Ethel rubs blue mud in her navel, then watch me rub blue mud in mine, too.

Atkins means “low-carb”, which for the first few weeks means “cabbage”. Oh, you can eat all of the steaks and eggs and cheese that you want – sometimes, I have steak and egg and cheese sandwiches, with no bread.  Sometimes I mix it up a bit – I’ll have steak and steak and egg, or cheese and cheese and steak, or egg and egg and egg (but then I always add some steak and cheese).

Ethel’s been out of town since this started, which means that I’ve been operating with my own limited imagination (well, *I* can imagine a steak and steak and steak sandwich, with a side order of fried cheese). It never occurred to me to make some tuna salad with shredded cheese and wrap it up in cabbage, because, frankly, who WOULD think of eating something that looks like The Wrap From The Black Lagoon?

It’s actually tasty, and it’s crunchy (which is something that is definitely missing from this whole low-carb thing) but it’s just the sort of thing that I would never have thought of (although right now I‘m wondering – why AREN’T we frying the cheese?) And it’s probably still not the kind of thing that I will think of. That’s why God made Ethel.

Her omelets are better than mine, as well. I tend to leave omelets on the stove at low heat, and then go back to work until I can smell them. My omelets are nothing if not firm. But hers taste better.

So far, several days of Atkins have not turned me into a hardbodied hunkling. I’ve lost a few pounds, but not so’s you could tell.

But it has given me a whole new appreciation for cabbage.


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