Ouch My Back. And My Ears.


My back is out.

It went out on Saturday, but I managed to run 11 miles anyway. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea. I’m never sure whether I should train through an injury or avoid training. I seem to be batting around .500 in making those decisions.

It’s getting in my way of doing a lot of things. But that is NOT why I’m not doing the C-58 dive tomorrow south of Isla Mujeres, seen here:

C-58(image from the web – obviously, I haven’t taken this picture : )

Yesterday we did two dives – an “underwater naturalist” dive (i.e. see the pretty fishes”) and a navigation dive – moving around on the bottom with a compass.

We were planning on doing C-58 tomorrow, which is a wreck south of the island. However, I’m having trouble equalizing pressures through my Eustachian tubes; it takes me a long time to get things equalized.

And C-58 is a fast deep dive; one has to descend quickly because of the current. And I can’t descend quickly. I’m not sure, as I type this, that I’ll ever be able to complete a deep dive, because my ears hurt, dang it!
When I finished yesterday’s dives, I had blood in my snot. (there’s probably a better, more….sensitive way of saying that. But I have no idea what it is, and I’m not going to spend much time looking for one. Please feel free to replace that phrase with whatever phrase you like – ‘hemo-phlegm’ or ‘leucocytes in my loogies’).
So my back and my ears aren’t delivering up to snuff. That’s what I get for having a body. I can assure you – as soon as I can get away with not having a body, I’m gonna get rid of the dang thing. It’s just a bother to have one – it requires upkeep and maintenance, and no matter what you do, it wears out in sixty or seventy years anyway. (come to think of it, I reckon right now I could say ‘it wears out in fifty four years anyway, no matter what you do”).
I’m having all sorts of insights during this trip. One of them is this – I finally figured out why I don’t like the “everybody get the check and split down the middle” way of eating out in groups.
It’s not as simple as “I don’t want to pay for his salmon”, although that’s a simple derivation of it. It’s a more generalized principle – I don’t want anyone else to live with the consequences of my decisions, and I don’t want to have to live with the consequences of their decisions.
There is only one person on this planet whose Karma I have chosen to share, and there are two differences between my relationship with her and my relationships with everybody else:
* She and I share many core values.
* She and I will CONTINUE to live with the consequences of the other’s decision.
The first point is a simple and essential part of picking one’s mate, although it may require a few iterations to get right. I suspect that that is why “oh we are so much in love smoochie-oochums” is a terrible reason to get married; if you don’t share the same values, then in the long run the decisions that each makes will truly start to wear on the other. “Why did she do THAT?” – because she doesn’t have the same priorities that you do, dude. That’s why.
The second is the “one flesh” rule. Anything that I do that seems to give me a short-term benefit at her expense will, in the long run, wind up hurting me, because she and I are going to be together as long as we are in the aforementioned bodies.
But if we all meet briefly and we all decide to share consequences briefly, then whoever makes the worst decisions at the others’ expense wins, and everybody else loses.
Since I’m sick enough to see things that way, I don’t want to wind up in a situation where I might be tempted to take advantage of such a situation. Or where I might imagine other people doing such.
I suspect that it’s that same old “personal liberty/personal responsibility” rule that is do deep in my psyche that it will never be ripped out – liberty is only liberty to the point where one is responsible for one’s actions. Beyond that, it is tyranny of the other.

When everybody is responsible for everything, then nobody is responsible for anything.

I’d rather live in the world where you are responsible for you and yours, and me for me and mine. And I have decided that I am GOING to live in that world. If I find myself in a situation like that again, I will extricate myself from it as quickly as I can, cutting my losses as I go.

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