Here’s the southeast wall of our Football Watching Room:
A lot of these framed items came from the Colorado condo; some came from the Arizona house. Like everything else in our lives right now, this wall is a merge of two other places in a new place. And, like everything else in our lives, it’s a work in progress.
My new job is a work in progress. Some days I despair of ever being productive again. I am aware that once one learns the ropes here, one can be amazingly productive in terms of how much “work” one can get done with this Workday tool set. Think “sewing machine” vs “needle and thread” or “tractor” vs “a plow and Ol’ Bessie”.
However, you have to learn to operate a sewing machine or a tractor. And this can be harder after you’ve already learned how to sew pretty well with a needle, or after you’ve already done a good bit of plowing behind the mule. You think you know what you are doing, and habits long learned and learned well can turn and bite.
I had lunch with an old friend today, and it was a delight indeed. Haven’t spent any time with her in almost a decade and it felt like a week had gone by – that sort of friend that one is completely comfortable around.
And I found while talking with her that I had a knot in my belly; one of those little places in my gut that whispers “don’t look at me! don’t look over here! Look over there – that’s where your problem is!”
But when you go ahead and look at those little knots, they dissolve, and when they do, there’s an icky feeling that comes up – but it comes with a whiff of the truth. And the truth that has been hiding in this little knot is this – “I’m not who they think I am”.
The “they” here is my new employer – my boss, my co-workers. And the “who they think I am” is the guy they seem to remember from years ago. I’m not sure that that guy ever existed. I’m afraid to ask for specifics as to just who they think I am, because they might tell me, and then what? Should I just shrug my shoulders and say “Nope, nope, not me. I’m not that guy.” and leave?
Ethel would get upset, no doubt.
So, like that wall, I have to take the best of the pieces of the people that I have been, and see if I can make something out of it.