Here’s Iron Icon Julie Moss finishing up our chili cheese fries this weekend at PCMR:
It was a rough weekend. Saturday morning I rode a little over two hours – I kept it easy, with my heart rate at 110 or less, and then when I was skiing I felt fresh and lively (well, as fresh and lively as a 56 year old is likely to feel, anyway). Managed a good bit of skiing, but Ethel was feeling poorly, so we went home mid-afternoon and napped.
We had planned to go to a Salt Lake Tri Club season-kickoff meeting on Saturday night, but when I woke Ethel up from her nap, she didn’t want to go. Now, I’m God’s Own Introvert, so you can bet that I didn’t want to go, but I’m supposed to do what I don’t want to do, and I’m supposed to put aside my wants in favor of somebody else’s wants; thus I found myself in the uncomfortable position of convincing Ethel that we wanted to so somewhere that I did not, at all, want to go. I gotta tell you, that’s a strange feeling.
And she took some convincing. But, eventually, she got out of bed and got dressed, just in time for us to be late to the get-together.
And she had fun! I managed to keep a stiff upper lip; I did not want to ruin Ethel’s evening, and I managed to keep myself entertained, especially since I wasn’t called upon to interact directly with other people very often.
However, I was also on the hook for a Salt Lake Tri Club Ski Day event the next morning, whereupon – after missing our regular Sunday morning meeting – we met up with SLTC folks and skied with them the entire day. That maxed out my people endurance – and also required skiing half-naked (no, I don’t know why):
In the middle of all this, we stopped for lunch – Ethel and I split some chili-cheese fries (two years ago, when we skiied 100 days at Purgatory, chili-cheese fries was our standard lunchtime fare – didn’t cost much, and a serving split between us had plenty of calorie to keep us going all afternoon).
What was funny was watching a top-level world-class superfit triathlete finish off our chili-cheese fries. You won’t see that every day. No doubt it won’t hurt those folks – but they have an image to keep up, right?
Speaking of images to keep up: people are often surprised – and often react sarcastically – when they hear me say that I’m an introvert. Of course, this is because they don’t know what the word means. But this weekend really drove it home; after being around all of these people Saturday night and all day Sunday, on Sunday night I just wanted to crawl into a cocoon. I even considered taking Monday off from work, just to recover.
It occurred to me on Sunday evening, when I was sitting by the fireplace (“sitting by the fireplace” in this context means, literally, BY THE FIREPLACE, because after I lit the fire, I couldn’t get up – I just sat there on the ground for quite some time) that introversion is, quite possibly, at its core just a fancy type of ego-centrism. Being around other people probably wears me out because, when I’m in those situations, I’m probably operating out of my ego the whole time.
That’s why I can’t really “rest” until I’m alone – or it’s just Ethel and I, which is the same thing. I like this theory, because it fits the Spiritual Axiom that “anytime we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us”. I think that for a while I thought that crowds wore me out because “I’m an introvert”, but not wanting to be around folks is a type of disturbance, which means that it is caused by something wrong with me. And there’s only one thing really “wrong with me” – “Selfishness, self-centeredness. That, we think, is the root of our problem.”
So maybe if I could get rid of my ego, I could get rid of my introversion.
Of course, if I could get rid of my ego, all of my problems would be over!
“When your body and your ego and your dreams are gone, you will know that you will live forever” — A Course in Miracles